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One way to to avoid confrontation with any outside sources
(police, neighbors) is to keep a clean appearance.
If you have poor hygiene and are unshaven the length of your
wife beating career could be severely shortened. People will
believe the worst about someone if they look like Gilbert
Godfried after a drinking binge with food on his shirt. Wear
a suit when you leave home on your way to the construction
gig. Stop at a Denny's en route and change to what you normally
wear. This puts you in a good light with your ever watchful
neighbors who will go "I can't believe he'd do such a thing.
He looked like such a nice man."
Compliments, compliments, compliments. Enough can't
be said about this. After you erupt into a seething volcano
of Wild Turkey induced profanities and all American backslaps,
tell her that her hair looks a little less shitty than it
did yesterday. False promises of letting her go see her friend
Marge who lives 4 blocks over is also another tantalizer for
her to keep quiet. Promise to let her watch the news or read
a newspaper once next month. Don't let her actually do it
though.
If you have a computer DO NOT get connected to the Internet.
There are way too many forums and newsgroups available that
might shed light on her situation and awaken her to different
way of thinking. This is a common mistake among amateur boxers.
Keep her entertained by purchasing Once were Warriors, The
Gift and Cobb on DVD and send out for a catalog of extra conservative
Muslim films.
Set unreasonable restrictions and boundaries upon
seemingly minor objects. The TV of course is the most obvious
example of this and should never be changed without consulting
with Raging Bull. Take it a step further to include as minuscule
of items as the the lightness/darkness setting on the toaster.
If this gets changed from your preference don't let your vein
pulsating anger blow at that moment. It is far more effective
to wait until 3:45 a.m. and then start burning her family
photos by the side of her bed. When she wakes explain that
you'd prefer your bread not to burst into flames in the toaster
and "I guess I only make the bread around here, while you
BURN it".
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