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Hello, my name is Jay Hyman. I suffer from the guilt of not
forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor
6-year- old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead
will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before
her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give
you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email,
$1000?
How stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here. If I scroll down
this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy
model in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.
Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all who have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a
chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this
country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of
your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a
human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient
being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are,
it's your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening
to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,
delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off
by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with
no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years
and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive
if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow
morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume
your genitals.
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