Beverly Hills circa 2003?
"Economy Fundamentally Fucked" Declares Bush
Raleigh - Partial transcript of a speech Bush made in
front of an assembly at the Universtiy of North Carolina:
"Forget what I said before about the economy. We are knee
deep in the hoopla. Make no mistake about it.
We are soooooooo past 'fundamentally strong', 'economic recovery'
and 'consumer confidence'. It's time to hoard cans of baked beans
and put on riot gear cause I predict this type of poverty will soon
lead to black welfare moms cannibalizing our neighbors babies.
I've also said 'Consumers are buying' but ignore that. People are
so poor they're using old copies of the Wall Street Journal for
toilet paper. (applause.) That reminds me of this joke: Yo momma
so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What
ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." (laughter.)
I previously declared in a speech in Birmingham that corporate
corruption of the likes of Worldcom or Enron are isolated and very
much in the minority. (applause.) Apparently 98.6% of Americans
voted that televised speech as "Best Sitcom of 2002" in
a recent TV Guide readers poll. I retract that statement compassionately.
It was not meant to amuse but to merely befuddle.(loud applause.)
In a last gasp hope, my newly formed Corporate Fraud Task Force
will try to cut down on business corruption and install buying confidence.
That's why I'm paying for this new deparment by transferring $650
million from Social Security. Our future is at stake here - the
American dream. We can't allow these corporate terrorists to challenge
our economic future. We'll take care of our future RIGHT NOW! (standing
applause.)
The 2001 General Accounting Office report shows $17.3 billion of
your tax money that simply couldn't be accounted for in that year.
That alone is more than the annual revenues of all but the biggest
U.S. corporations. Rest assured though that NO accounting shenanigans
were used to disguise this financial irresponsibility. (applause.)
Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said the economy is on
the road to full recovery but will keep feeling the effects of last
year's recession. Last years recession was a carryover from the
previous years recession spearheaded by Clinton. (boo.) We're looking
ahead - FAR ahead and there's a flicker of hope. (applause.)
The Protective Chemical Suit market is booming.
Gas mask production and the cipro industry have increased 1200%
over the last 2 years. Bomb shelters and personal Geiger counters
have seen the biggest surge in sales since 1959! (thunderous applause.)
Enemy Combatant Concentr....er (clears throat) PRIson camp
construction has delivered jobs to unemployed contract laborers.
We need to shift our priorities to make it happen! (applause)
Fed policy-makers' forecast is for the nation's unemployment rate
— now at 5.9 percent — to peak at between 5.75 and 6 percent
later this year. Like the motto of our Air Force - let's Aim High.
Thank You and good evening! (confused clapping.)
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