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Evidence of corpse puppetry?
Pope Already Dead?
In a recent study it was found that the Pope would have
been put to sleep 20 years ago if he was the average American family
dog. The typical American family puts their beloved canine pets
to sleep around age 15 when a host of illnesses and age related
breakdown of the body begins to destroy the fond memories of their
pet. Based on these typical physical and mental degradation's, the
independent Papal Watch Group POPE POLICE has issued a paper
saying that if Pope John Paul II was perhaps a Dachshund or a Great
Dane, with his current mental alertness and physical standings,
he would have taken a one way ticket to Lethal Injection Land sometime
in the early 80's.
"I've met the Pope twice - once in Mexico City and once in
Rome. He smells like urine, cold soup and baby powder." says
AP reporter Jenny Lewis. "He has so much spit and drool coming
out of his mouth at any given time I feel like I'm in the front
row of a Gallagher concert. Give me a plastic sheet to cover my
head from watermelon squishin's! The Human Beat Box from the Fat
Boys had less spray coming from his lips. Anyway, our cat "Fen-Phen"
was 16 years old and pooping all over the carpet so my parents brought
her to the vet and had her put to sleep. John Paul wouldn't have
lasted a week in our home the way my Mom protected the carpet."
Amazingly, in a USA Today poll, when asked if the pope had died
during his 1981 shooting in St Peter's Square, 67% said a resounding
YES. Many web sites have dissected this event claiming to disseminate
the "untruthfulness" perpetrated in the media surrounding
the pope's recovery.
A magnified blow fly
cluster on the
Pope's head.
"Jesus fucking Christ! The Turkish terrorist Mehmet Ali Agca
blasted three bullets into the 61 year old Pope back in 1981."
says Frankie Yulman, owner and webmaster of www.thepopeisdead.com.
"I don't know about you but when I've looked at pictures of
Pope John Paul II - this guy doesn't look like he could take 3 High
Fives let alone that many bullets. A misthrown Frisbee probably
could have done the job at any point in his career. He died in 1981
plain and simple. I think we have some sick Weekend at Bernies thing
going on. Maybe they hired the Henson crew to operate his corpse.
The ultimate challenge for a puppeteer right? Make a dead man seem
like he's alive? I mean, Christ, Gonzo has more lifelike motion
now that I think about it."
"I get asked the WHY question a lot." He continues.
"Well, if the Pope gets snuffed out - cap peeled or whatever
term you want - it's symbolic. It's like you're shooting the idea
of Catholicism at the same time. They need to keep this charade
going for as long as they can. The pope's dead corpse started drooling
about 11 years ago from my records. If you've read up on your forensic
entomology you'll know that after the corpse starts to decay, blow
flies start to lay eggs in all open orfices. I imagine after the
Henson crew takes him out of his ice casket for his public appearances
- the blow flies unfreeze and their eggs pour out of his mouth in
some gruesome Creepshow type fashion. It appears that most Catholics
find this charming and life affirming."
Whether the Pope is alive or not, it appears that the American
public would rather kill than clean when it comes to the carpet.
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